My Rude Awakening Story – Part I


“If you meet the Buddha, kill him.Linji Yixuan

Welcome to my Blog! 👩

Since the dawn of time, there have been a multitude of Religions, Occult doctrines, belief systems, philosophies and ideologies all playing their part in this game called life.  Throughout history people have fought over their convictions—debating the opposite—some being turned off by organized Religion altogether, all in their search for the meaning of life, and or the existence of God.

In the 1970’s a new trend of thought was created called the New Age movement, which focused more on metaphysical principles, personal transformation, and healing. Today that term is out-dated, and people usually refer to this as Unity Consciousness (the concept that everything in the Universe is ONE). Although, it can be expressed by other words such as: Awakening; the awakening process is a paradigm-shift within human beings to uncover the truth, self-realize and ultimately gain freedom. Within this metaphysical world people still have contrary beliefs, theories and ideas about the nature of reality. It is important to stay loyal to your beliefs but one should be encouraged to practice critical thinking as well in order to not become bias when faced with a large spectrum of theologies. 

This year of 2020 is especially interesting because there has been an explosion of spiritual information flooding the Internet. People are trying out new spiritual practices, conspiracy theories are being discussed, religious disillusionment is at an all time high, motivational speakers and Gurus all seem to be coming out of the woodwork with the promise to advise you on your spiritual journey. It would seem that there is a spiritual revolution happening because people are now questioning everything— as they should be! 

Have you ever questioned the nature of your reality? 

When I first started on my spiritual path, I’d often get so caught up in the excitement of learning a new doctrine, that I would completely forget the previous one that i was practicing. I would always get caught up in an endless pursuit for spiritual knowledge, that I often missed the point of what a spiritual discipline was. I now realize that I was on the path of a seekerBy definition a seeker is:

seeker, searcher, quester (noun)

someone making a search or inquiry

“they are seekers after truth”

A seeker will find themselves one day on their spiritual path having asked all the questions to the outside world and receiving no real gratifying answers, which will put them in a position of confusion, anger or disillusionment. Some will retreat within the teachings of ‘something or someone’ that they deem as better or more enlightened then themselves, because they are too insecure to take a leap of faith and trust their own inner wisdom.

Why? Because humans have an intrinsic motivation to affiliate with others, and to be socially accepted. A sense of belonging is a human need which often is met through being socially-accepted however, if you break away from group mentally you risk being isolated or ridiculed. This becomes even more evident when you start forming your own spiritual ideas that differ from the norm.

Tweet: Discrimination is common even within a so-called enlightened community.Discrimination is common even within a so-called enlightened community.

If you look online you will see many camps of spiritual-thought all stating that they are right and the other wrong, legal actions are taken, online harassment have occurred, Gurus are turning out to be sex-offenders, and a cesspool of notions are being expressed in ignorance. It should come to no surprise that even if something or someone looks spiritual it does not mean it or they are truly enlightened—but there are some people, and creeds that are illuminated. The take away is, we should not be so attached to outwardly Idols which distract us from our own inner spiritual intelligence, yet, we continue do this; when will we finally filer through what is fact and what is fiction?    

Rude Awakening

There are several shadow aspects to spiritually, one could experience spiritual bypassing, become involved in a cult, become a fundamentalist, or simply spread propaganda online as a troll disguised as a spiritual-warrior. Staying mentally and physically well when your undergoing a spiritual metamorphosis can be challenging, because the process is very painful. It disrupts your social relationships and questions your ethical behaviors. It throws a wrench in the working mechanism of our programming since childhood. Very few people are brave enough to question ‘what they have always believed in’, in search of the truth. Some rather die with their convictions than evolve their thinking process, to witness other possible perceptives—objectively.  

When it comes to our belief systems there are a lot of different spiritual paths, and practices one can take. If you are not set within one Religion usually a person will adapt several spiritual philosophies during their awakening process paired with holistic mind and body approaches to health and wellness. There is nothing wrong with choosing any practice but one should be aware of what FORM they are choosing to exercise. Too often the practitioner will never question why the FORM is used, it’s origins, it’s influence and it’s purpose. They usually have a student-Master relationship, which in reality is a hierarchy. Again, the discussion is not to state whether the FORM is good or bad (that is for the person to decide), the prob is to ask the question—why do we need these FORMS in the first place to direct spiritual practices? To answer this philosophically, we live in a world of FORMS and IDEAS, which is always changing.

I’ll admit it; I was a spiritual junkie. There were aspects of my spirituality that I hid behind to cover up my own pain and mental health issues. I used titles such as being a Witch to feel superior to other people. Note that I’m not saying anything about the value of partaking of these dogmatic systems. What I’m saying is that its easy to allow your spiritual ideas and practices to become an ego trap; to believe that you’re so much better and more enlightened than all those around you. People who claim they are “spiritual” act all love and light until you start questioning some of the aspects of their practice/craft, and it is even worse when you start to un-idolize religious figures. I personally believe it is a natural process in human evolution to grow out of certain ideologies and form new  viewpoints, as we further try to understand the full spectrum of Science and Spirit within the reality of our world. 

Unravelling the nature of reality (The Matrix), and attaining self-realization (Enlightenment) has been the driving force of my existence. I’ve been obsessed with finding out the truth because I was seeking to make sense of the paranormal experiences that I had experienced and continue to experience. I’ve come to my Rude Awakening when I realized that seeking and trusting outside influences will never fully answer my internal questionings. I discovered that it is paramount to balance logic and belief in the quest for truth. 

Through intensive introspection one will begin to see the patterns and programs being played within the world, how they influence the population and why they are there. I may not be able to find the truth to everything but one truth I do know is how I had been influenced by outside forces. When I had this personal realization my entire core belief system crumbled to the grown like a fallen house of cards, not because I lost my faith in God, but because I lost my faith in man, and could now see that I had been spiritually directed all of my life.

Did I ever have internal spiritual intelligence? 

Yes, when I was a child, before the outside world brainwashed me. 

Can I ever gain back my spiritual sovereignty? 

Yes, by deprogramming your body, mind and soul. 

Is this going to be easy? 


So what is this Blog about and what do I believe in now?

Awakening In The Modern World is dedicated to breaking through the illusion of forms.

My intention is to awaken your sovereignty, and shift you from being the seeker into being self-aware. Often people forget to grab the reins of their own spirituality, and get lead astray, however it is never too late to direct your own faith. If you have ever rebelled against authority or questioned organized Religions, and even challenged spiritual practices you have stumbled upon the right Blog.

I will be asking these difficult questions and aim to write objectively on various esoteric topics so audiences can cultivate habits of individual thinking (free thinker), use discernment, debate ideas, share information, share paranormal and or spiritual experiences with an open mind, in search for personal TRUTH, and finally methods to unplug yourself from this so-called Matrix.     

On a personal level, I have let go of all labels. I use to say I was “spiritual but not religious”. In the past I wore many spiritual hats of being a Witch, a Reiki Master, a Psychic Medium, a Energy Healer, a Light-worker, a Star Seed, an Empath, a Buddhist, a Taoist, a Seeker, a Wanderer  . . . the list of esoteric tags can go on forever. Now one might categorize me as being a Skeptic, a Free Thinker, a Philosopher, a Epistemologist, a Realist, or an Atheist, however my internal intelligence does not possess the qualities of any of these labels. I am discovering my own internal compass to which I will navigate what I deem to be spiritual wisdom, factual knowledge, and authenticity. I just don’t need to worship any idols, follow any gurus or be part of any creeds anymore to be a spiritual person. I can balance the metaphysical with the material world of logic and reason. How? By simply letting go . . . and being flexible . . .to a world of possibilities. 

Now that you know that there are others that have gone through an unconventional Awakening process, perhaps you will be brave enough now to share some of your own spiritual concerns or unorthodox experiences that haven’t been recognized before within various Spiritual Communities. My goal is to create a safe space for people to deliberate their faith and ask the hard questions they are afraid to ask. Every single one of us has their own personal story, by sharing these stories you can and will help others. Resilience is strengthened by recognizing that we are all experts in our own lives and we all have something to share with others.

So with another leap of faith I am officially starting this Blog! I had deliberated if I should voice my spiritual opinions out loud (Yikes!), to the public (social-anxiety-nightmare) on YouTube (cringing-right-now) and to start this Blog (biting-nails-compulsively) for the sake of what? Well, it’s for the sake of upholding free-speech and my human attempt to make sense of what had happened to me spiritually. Also, perhaps maybe along the way I may help someone if what I have to say resonates with them, if not that’s totally okay too! I certainly do not know it all, but what I think I know, I will write and do YT videos about. So if you managed to read to the end of this Blog Post you may as well take a gander at my YT channel: Awakening In The Modern World





Thank you for joining me today dear reader, if you wish to support this Blog please Follow, and or Like this post.

Please leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts! 

Until Next Time Planet People 🌏



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Bates, Jordan. HIGHEXISTENCE “10 Spiritual Things People Do That Are Total Bullshit”. Retrieved from  

Hamby, Sherry. Ph.D. (Sep 3, 2013) Psychology Today “Resilience and 4 Benefits to Sharing your story”. Retrieved from

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